


Dear John

by BornToLose



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BornToLose/pseuds/BornToLose
Summary: Since John left the band following Freddie's death, Roger keeps writing to him, knowing he'll never get a reply.
Relationships: John Deacon & Roger Taylor
Kudos: 22





	Dear John

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rogertaylorsdrumstick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogertaylorsdrumstick/gifts).



> This one is for Dealor Week 2020! It's really not the best as I didn't have enough time to write this as I would have liked, but I hope it's alright.

_"On 2 July 1971, Queen perform at Surrey College; their first ever concert with John Deacon on bass!"_

That is the caption of a picture of Roger and John backstage at the Rainbow in 1974. The person who runs the official Instagram account of Queen really had to pick the one of John standing there shirtless and Roger looking up at him in his white robe and black pants, didn't they?

Scanning the comment section that's full of fans dropping various ship names and meltdowns expressed in emojis, Roger realizes the photo could give impressions, but they certainly aren't wrong. At least back then when the picture was taken. Now things are vastly different. John got married and so did Roger. John broke off contact, but Roger has always attempted to keep in touch, even after the bassist retired following Freddie's death. But he doesn't seem impressed. It's been years since he got a reply and Roger almost gave up on trying to reach out to him. Still, he feels guilty whenever he doesn't send him a message on a special day, even if he has no right to feel this way.

Seeing the anniversary post on his feed is enough to write his friend an email. It's not like he has forgotten it's the 48th anniversary of John being a member of Queen. On the contrary - Roger keeps well organized photo albums with the exact date and location as well as his old diaries where he wrote everything down, for instance a paragraph about John when he joined the band. He was talking about how talented this new guy was and that he was sure they'd be big soon with their new bassist. But even without that, he's good at remembering anniversaries, which leads to him writing to John on his birthday, his and Veronica's wedding anniversary and the like. He never gets a simple "thank you" and it breaks his heart because of how close they used to be.

Roger sits at his desk and opens the mail programme on the laptop. This time he tries to keep his message short because maybe his long and elaborate emails are the reason John isn't in the mood to respond.

_"Happy Queen anniversary, Deaky! Miss you. Roger x"_

He would like to write more about his thoughts when he first met him at the audition and how he knew right away they wouldn't have to make any changes regarding the band members, but he knows it's no use writing long essays when he won't get an answer anyway. This isn't him being pessimistic, it's just the truth. It seems like John doesn't want anything to do with his old mates anymore. He still manages the band's finances, but he doesn't even reply to every new suggestion they tell him about, which Roger and Brian read as a sign of approvement.

With a sigh, he leans back in his chair and runs a hand through his hair in frustration. They were best friends once. Inseparable, basically. And before that, there had been a time when they'd been more than that. Until they decided to take a break because the whole situation with becoming famous that came with the typical rockstar lifestyle got overwhelming. Not much later, John had a girlfriend, who got pregnant and they married soon after. It was a bit of a harsh ending for Roger, but he wasn't in the place to be jealous. Their pause had seemed more like a breakup anyway and they were both free men now, so he couldn't regard it as cheating, but seeing John have a family with somebody else really tugged at his heartstrings. It still does every now and then, but it's much rarer because a couple of years after John's wedding, he found happiness with his own family.

While Freddie was still alive, they stayed very close friends, even if they weren't dating anymore. They'd ended on good terms, so it wasn't difficult to be best friends again. But after the Tribute Concert and the making of Made in Heaven, they've steadily grown apart, right when Roger thought they all needed one another to cope with their loss. When John officially left the band, they kept the bare minimum of contact, yet it has become less and less over the years to the point of complete silence from the bassist's side.

That didn't stop Roger, though. He keeps sending him cute and funny emails. Sometimes they are sentimental too when he reminisces on old times and the moments they shared. But even then, it has more the character of a monologue than of an actual conversation.

Roger gives John two weeks until he replies - which he knows won't happen but he is used to that by now. His youngest sons have an Instagram account, but he doesn't want to use them to get to John. He surely has his reasons to distance himself…

After those two weeks, which went by too slowly, the drummer checks his inbox - and finds nothing. He doesn't know why he ever thought his friend would reply to this one if he had the chance for over a decade.

"That's it," he mumbles, a heavy lump in his throat. He isn't even attempting to ruin their marriages and be with him again; he wants him back as his best friend, not his lover. Is that too much to ask? All this has to stop. He's writing one last time to him and then it's over. He won't harass him anymore if that's what John thinks of it as.

Roger is pretty sure his address is still the same as it was the last time he visited, so he decides to write him a letter. Something John can hold in his hands and keep to reread later as a reminder why he kept sending him those messages. A handwritten letter is more personal, too. And maybe he will reply for once, but Roger doesn't want to get his hopes up.

_"Dear John,_

_these past years I've been sending you emails in an attempt to get in contact with you again. I know it was a difficult time for us and I understand why you retired - I don't judge you for that, you worked hard for it. What I'm trying to say is, I only wanted to win you back as my best friend. We used to be so close and I never wanted to give that up. We were like brothers. Since our last meeting it always feels like something is missing. There are too many memories attached to get over you and shut my mouth. You know I was never good at that._

_It wasn't my intention to be intrusive or annoying, I just wanted to talk to you again. Writing to you, knowing you won't reply is the hardest thing, but I couldn't stop - until now. This is the last one, I promise. Then you won't hear from me again unless you want to._

_I miss being around you and I'd really like to meet you again. Somewhere private, just the two of us. It's totally okay if you don't want to see me. I just think it would be nice to reunite one last time._

_Love, Roger"_

Writing this letter, he has to stop at times to keep his tears from falling onto the paper. This is goodbye. He knows it. Why would John respond this time? He'll probably read it, acknowledge it and continue living his life just like he did before. It wouldn't surprise him.

Roger reads the letter once again and puts it in an envelope. He'll dispatch it later before going out for dinner with Sarina.

He has almost forgotten about his letter when his wife comes into his studio with today's post. "This one's for you, Rog," she says with a smile, putting a letter on the piano.

Roger stands up behind his drumset and walks over to find out what it is. The moment he reads the sender he gets oddly nervous and excited at the same time. With shaky hands he opens the envelope and unfolds the letter.

_"Dear Rog,_

_I'm sorry about ignoring you, but I'd like to talk things through in person. How does Tuesday, 11 a.m. at my house sound?_

_Love, John"_

Roger isn't entirely sure if this is actually happening. It feels too surreal to finally hold a reply from John in his hands. The first one in years. Tears are welling up in his eyes, but this time they are happy tears. And he even agrees to seeing him! He's very anxious about Tuesday, but he can't wait for it either, so he rushes to his office to confirm the date.

_"Dear John,_

_thank you for your answer! Tuesday sounds good._

_See you then,_

_Rog x"_


End file.
